I spent several weeks slowly bidding farewell to the farm. Visiting all of my favorite spots, taking the dogs out for carefree, leash-free romps in the fields. A last look around at my place of peace and sanctuary as we drove away on an early June morning, heading for a seaside town on Vancouver Island and a new chapter in our lives.
That was almost two years ago. We have settled into our new home, and dog walks are now happy romps on the beach, playing in the waves and chasing seagulls.
But I miss the farm, and I’ve not been able to write this post until now, because it brings such heartache and tears of loss. It started with the loss of gentle Chaos to an arthritic spine. I spread her ashes on the farm, under a huge cottonwood tree. I gave up my horses to new homes. And the losses didn’t stop, compounding with the sudden loss of my sweet Tazzy to a brain tumour last August, and then the devastating loss of my brother to lung cancer in November. I hardly know where the pain of one loss ends and the next begins, it’s all melding together into one huge heartbreak. I miss them all so much!
Grieving my losses is a slow process. I’m occupying my hands and mind, and soothing my heart with lots of corgi cuddles and hours of stitching. One breathe at a time, one stitch at a time, I’m slowly making my way towards happier days.